The worst feeling in the world is feeling like you’ve been rejected, misunderstood, or not heard. It makes me feel like my insides are screaming and no one is listening. I feel like an angsty teenager again and the frustration can be enough to want to pull my hair out.
Most of my growing up years I felt like no one really got me. How much of that was legit and how much was just my teen angst, I can’t tell you. I’d have to go through my old journals and evaluate… but I’m kind of afraid of my old teenage journals. Seriously. It’s like going down into a creepy basement were there are crying teens and moody vampires and whiny old boyfriends… (or maybe I just described Twilight? Hard to tell – there isn’t much difference between my old journal and the Twilight series…)
But in all honesty, the feeling of being judged, misunderstood, rejected, and unheard didn’t go away as I got older. I just learned to better evaluate who the people are that actually listen and try to understand and who are the ones who assume and judge.
So, how do I deal? It’s still hard and it still definitely hurts when someone I care for really doesn’t listen to me or jumps to conclusions before I open my mouth. It REALLY hurts. The first thing I want to do is get angry and lash out. At this point I usually have to walk away from the computer or the person to get myself back in control (while reminding myself over and over, “you must respond in love, you must respond in love…”). Then I try to explain myself as best and as simply as possible – like I’m trying to explain myself to a 5 year old. Not because the person I’m talking to isn’t smart, but because if I explain it as simply as possible, the communication issues are (most likely) not my fault if they still don’t understand.
If after that, I still feel as if they aren’t getting me – I will say something like, “I feel like you really aren’t hearing me.” or “I don’t understand WHY you think that – explain to me where you came to that conclusion.” or “It feels like you’re jumping to conclusions about what I’m trying to say.”
If after that, they seem completely intent on holding on to whatever their assumptions are… I have to let it go. If they aren’t interested in hearing me, they aren’t going to hear me – no matter what I do. It’s frustrating and it hurts and I usually cry… but then I let it go and I remember my mantra, specifically this part: “When I feel doubt, insecurities or judgement, I will remember that God’s opinion is the ONLY one that matters and He has made me for great things.” Click to Tweet
It helps. The pain doesn’t go away completely, but it makes me feel stronger and more confident to remember that I don’t need everyone to understand me.
How do you deal with feeling rejected or misunderstood?
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