The truth about confidence is that it’s all about balance and figuring out how to handle the days when you just don’t have it. It’s like what they say about courage; courage isn’t being brave all the time, courage is knowing when and how to face your fears – and then facing them even when you are afraid. Confidence is the same. How do you deal with insecurity, self-doubt and rough days without degrading yourself and beating yourself up? How do you maintain that self-confidence while also balancing self-doubt?
Some days are hard. Even after working on my self-confidence for years, I still have some rough days and I catch myself in a negative spiral. Or maybe I just want to crawl under the covers and ignore the world. Today was a day like that. I think it was a culmination of a lot of other issues. Being a bit overworked and over tired. I’ve been job hunting now for a while, and if you’ve ever been through the process, it is rough. It can REALLY test your self-confidence. Even when I have realized I haven’t been a good fit for a position, it can still feel like rejection when you hear no. In addition, over the last few months, I have discovered some really unsettling news about someone that I thought I could trust. And that kind of disappointment usually leads to a lot of wavering confidence. I find myself asking, “Why did I think I could trust them?” and “Didn’t I see the warning signs?” All of that together was a recipe for a day of self-doubt and a lot of emotions. So, how do I handle these days? How does someone who just published a book on self-confidence deal with a day of self-doubt?
First things first, I let myself feel what I’m feeling. If I’m sad, I let myself be sad. I don’t over-analyze it, I don’t try to figure it out, I just feel it. If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to punch something, I do a good boxing workout. The secret is to not wallow in these feelings, just experience them and let them go.
THEN I do a little internal soul searching. The thing is, confidence is great, but it’s not something to be foolish about. There is a healthy way to be confident. For example, am I doubting the way I handled a situation? Am I wondering if I put my trust in someone that I shouldn’t have? Did I act inappropriately or say something hurtful to someone? Do I owe someone an apology? That kind of self-doubt is healthy because it’s your brain saying… hey, let’s think about this. Should we learn from this situation? Did we do something wrong? Should we have done something differently? This is where you can get analytical. Figure out if there was a certain situation you could have handled differently, if you owe someone an apology, etc. Then from there you can make a game plan of how to learn from or resolve an issue, but analyze the situation in a way that you aren’t beating yourself up about it, you are just learning from it.
In my case, I discovered a few things while soul searching. Hindsight has shown me there were quite a few cleverly hidden red flags that I overlooked. I don’t know if I would have caught them had I not had this experience, but I will know what things to look out for in the future. I’m also acknowledging that job hunting is hard and it’s okay to feel a bit overwhelmed. I’m going to be working on a better strategy and a game plan moving forward to deal with that.
Then I used my “phone a friend.” In this case, I reached out to my husband and I asked him for feedback. I told him how I was feeling. I asked him for his take on the situations and what his thought was. He agreed a better strategy is a good idea and then offered me encouragement. It is so helpful to have a touchstone for when you are feeling a lot of self-doubt, it can help you stay focused and positive even when times gets rough.
And then I said a prayer. Which is always helpful and makes me feel better. It renews my resolve and where I’m putting my faith and trust. Faith is an important part of my own foundation. Knowing there is something and someone bigger than I am is always a good place to build a foundation. It helps keep my self-confidence balanced and I always try to remember that when I am doing the internal soul searching. I don’t want to let my pride get in the way of wisdom and wisdom is something I am constantly seeking and praying for… trying to recognize where I am lacking and where I need to grow, while simultaneously celebrating the person God has made me to be.
And if you are still feeling down, remember self-care! There is a reason why the flight attendants tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You can’t help anyone else if you’re dead. You will exhaust yourself physically, mentally and spiritually if you don’t take care of your own needs. Make sure you are taking care of yourself; rest, nutrition, activity, etc. so that you can be there for the people in your life that you really care about. Moms – I want you to hear me! You can’t take care of your kids if you are dead – literally or metaphorically. Don’t work yourself into the ground. As a diabetic, I really understand this. There have been times I have had to put Nova in her crib, screaming like a banshee, because my blood sugar was too low to help her. I had to eat. She had to wait. I hated every minute of it, but it was better for both of us that I put her in a safe place and then took care of my own needs.
That is how I deal with rough days. I do all those things and then I feel like I’ve got my feet under me again. No-one is ever confident all the time, but there is a very healthy way to deal with self-doubt and insecurity. And of course, in addition to the 5 things above; feeling the feels, soul searching, phoning a friend, faith, and self-care – I daily subscribe to the activities that are listed in my free ebook. If you feel like you would benefit from my experienced gained on my confidence journey, I’d love it if you would check it out today. Then, let me know if you found it helpful! I would love to hear your feedback!
What are your tips for dealing with a day of wavering confidence?